5 Ways to Evolve Gracefully with Your Spouse

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My husband and I have been married for 6 years. In those 6 years, he has been a travel agent, State Farm insurance agent and now a farmer. My career as a School Counselor hasn’t changed, however I’ve become a mother twice, and that is an evolution in itself.


I’ve heard many people who struggle in their marriages talk about how they’ve just grown apart. The truth of the matter is that we continue to grow and change as people. Life changes us as we weather different seasons. In marriage, we should be growing together through those seasons. Marriage should be a verb because growing together takes work. It takes work to embrace the person you love as they continue to evolve. Here are 5 ways to evolve gracefully with your spouse:

  1. Embrace the change. We can’t change anyone, no matter how hard we try. Not even our spouse! For example, when my husband first shared his love of horticulture I wasn’t entirely thrilled. In fact, I sometimes loathed his then hobby because I felt like it took time away from the family. As my husband searched for employment after his father became too ill to work  (dementia) as a long time State Farm agent, it became clear to me that his hobby was evolving into a career. When I embraced his love of horticulture, I began to notice a different side of him had awakened.



2. Examine ourselves to see how we’ve changed. It’s really easy to point the finger at our spouse. It’s easy to blame them for why things aren’t the same in our marriage. Have we ever stopped to think that we have changed too? I’ve noticed that my patience level is not as high with my husband since becoming a parent. Justin knows when I’m tired, I’ll probably be moody. I’ve learned to communicate to him when I’m tired, so he doesn’t get frustrated when I’m moody. I’ve evolved from a married woman into a mother.This line of communication has been a work in progress, which leads me to #3.


3. Open the door for communication. Maybe you’re so frustrated that you don’t want to talk. They aren’t the person you once knew. How can you begin to work on your relationship if you don’t want to talk? Communication requires that both parties agree to do the work, not that you’ll always be on the same page.

4. Support your spouse. Before my husband and I got married, we went through premarital counseling (which I highly suggest to those of you who aren’t married) and we took a quiz ranking each others needs. Words of affirmation was high on his list, however it was low on mine. Realizing that this is  a need for my husband, I need to seek out ways to show him I support him, even if I don’t always understand. My husband has a green thumb, and I do not. However, to support his dream, I will help feed some animals. Who would’ve thought, I’d be a farmer’s wife?


5. And last but certainly not least….Encourage your spouse. Who doesn’t like to hear a word of encouragement? You should be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader. Even though coworkers and family members may give encouragement, I can guarantee that they would much rather hear it from you. Giving your spouse words of encouragement can protect your marriage as well. They won’t be seeking approval and appraisal from other praises if they get it at home.

Marriage is hard, but the benefits definitely outweigh the negative. As your marriage evolves, what have you found makes this work? I can’t wait to hear from you! Follow me on Instagram (arethoseyourkids) as I document my evolution into a farmer’s wife!


68 thoughts on “5 Ways to Evolve Gracefully with Your Spouse

  1. Raven says:

    You have great tips and disscussions and I love reading them so much! I’m glad I found your IG back in the fall. It came at a perfect time because I’m getting married very soon! I also share your blog entries too with my best friend who has been married for 2 years now. She enjoys reading your posts too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      Raven, that means so much to me! I’m so glad that you and your friend have found them helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment and share. I look forward to more of your input!


  2. Sandy KS says:

    My children are not bi-racial. However, we have dealt with racist comments. My children and I are Caucasian/ British. My kids dad have blue eyes and blonde hair. However all three take after me with very dark to black hair, deep brown eyes and olive tone skin. We get mistaken for being Spanish, Mexican or other similar races.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      Sandy, then you can relate to the title of this blog. I think people forget that when genes mix, you often don’t know how that will look when you have children. I wish people would focus more on what’s on the inside instead of physical features.


      • rusty2rustychatter says:

        Yes, I can relate to the title of the post. I have taught my kids to not focus on someone features or race. Instead on how they treat others. I wish everyone raised their kids that way.


  3. Amanda Love says:

    Those are really all great tips. My husband and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary in a few months and we surely have changed over the years. Compromising and acceptance has played a role in our relationship because without that I don’t think we’d be where we are right now.


  4. Heather says:

    I really like that “5 Love Languages” book. Of course my husband and I are complete opposites, and what ranks high for him is low for me, so figuring out ways to encourage him takes a little more effort on my part, but it is worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. wheatney28 says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
    Yes…We grow and evolve each day. Making sure the lines of communication are open is definitely key. I have a tendency to get quiet when I am frustrated and then expect hubby to figure it out. It’s definitely a work in progress for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Toni Williams says:

    Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your story. My marriage ended after 7 years, and I can’t help but think that if I had your post years ago, we could be having a different conversation right now. 🙂


  7. Allie (@eatraiserunblog) says:

    I have been married for 7 years, and I can not agree more with your post. I especially love how you put supporting and encouraging your spouse. Those two things are so simple in theory, and yet can be so hard in practice. But they are vital for a relationship to grow and flourish. Thank you for sharing this awesome post!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. misscarolynxo says:

    These are great tips! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years and already, we’ve changed so much! It’s crazy to think how different our relationship was even 6 months ago. Thank you so much for sharing =)

    Liked by 1 person

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