5 Tips For Communicating Effectively With Your Spouse

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This month I’m excited to talk about all things love and relationships. One of the keys to any successful relationship is good communication skills. We are even evaluated on the job based on our skills. But what does that really mean?

As a School Counselor, one of the things that I stress to my students repeatedly is effective communication. I teach them how to communicate with their teachers, peers and family members. Surprisingly, adults also struggle with effective communication.  In this post, I’m laying out 5 tips for healthy communication with your spouse.

  1. Listen more, talk less. Communicating doesn’t just involve talking. Listen to your partner and they will tell you what is important to them.
  2. Silence is golden. This goes along with #2. Find out what your partner’s love language is. You may think that buying them gifts is what makes them happy, but they may just want you to cuddle with them after a long day of work. Tune in to what your partner’s needs are and cater to them. You may find that your love language need will be met as well.love language.JPG
  3. One on one quiet time. Can you truly communicate when there is chaos? For those of us with children, can you get the point across to your spouse when someone is having a tantrum or the television is blaring? Quiet time doesn’t always mean date night (although that is important too). Quiet time can mean you make time for each other when the kids are in bed, or whatever other time is conducive to your schedule.
  4. Eye contact. This seems so insignificant, but giving someone eye contact shows that you are engaged with them. It shows them that they are important enough to give your undivided attention. I know I am guilty of this one. I may be pinning things on Pinterest and listening to my husband at the same time. The truth is, he isn’t really getting the attention from me that he deserves, and looking at him ensures that I make it happen.

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5. Empathy. Communicating doesn’t mean that I understand every feeling that is conveyed. It means I care enough to try to put myself in your shoes. It also means that I don’t invalidate my husband’s experiences because it didn’t happen to me. This is also an area I’ve had to work on. I am the oldest of four children and he was raised as an only child. I had more responsibilities at a younger age, but that doesn’t make my experiences better than his.

What helps you communicate with your spouse? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

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74 thoughts on “5 Tips For Communicating Effectively With Your Spouse

  1. *AndreA* says:

    All great points! Sometimes after we’ve been together for a long time we just take it for granted and this is a good reminder that we have to be really present to be able to communicate with our spouse! Thanks for sharing! I want to read that book “love language”!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. triathlonmami says:

    I agree on all your points. I think at the basis of good communication is also love and understanding that the person across from you is doing their best to be the best they can be in that relationship. Much easier to disagree and forgive when you focus on the intent.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      You make a great point. My husband often says to me, I’m not the enemy. That keeps I perspective that he isn intentionally trying to make me angry & hurt me, but sometimes in a misunderstanding it happens.

      Like

  3. Koninika says:

    Communication with spouse reaches a different level altogether after kids Coke in the picture. Exhaustion, busy lifestyle, non stop activity allows very little time for interaction. I liked your post that emphasizes true essence of communication!

    Like

  4. Logan Can says:

    For me, eye contact is something that is so important but that we really struggle with. We both stay so distracted that it is hard to stop everything and make that eye contact. But it is so important. These are great tips!

    Like

  5. Debra says:

    Eye contact is so important in our relationship. When we were first married I tried to multitask while he talked to me and it just upset him!

    Like

    • dacounsel says:

      This is something that I have to work on, as I often brag about my multi-tasking abilities. It’s not about multi-tasking, but it’s about making the person feel valued and important.

      Like

  6. Skye says:

    Listen more, talk less – I needed to hear that! I can totally be a blabbermouth and I have to make an effort to stop talking and just listen to Chris. Our communication has changed a lot since we started working on our finances together but these are awesome tips to work in to our budget meetings and day-to-day lives!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sarah says:

    We are recently engaged after almost 4 years of dating, and the one thing we constantly struggle with is proper communication. We both have slight tempers and I get frustrated very easily. It’s one thing I really want to work on before we say “I do.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      Remember that it’s a work in progress. Don’t sweat the small stuff! If you are committing to a lifetime together, don’t waste time arguing about things that won’t matter the next day.

      Like

  8. Rachael Orr says:

    Me and my boyfriend struggle with communication when it comes to our mixed family. I don’t want to over step with his children and he doesnt want to with mine. These tips really help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      Rachael, I’m so glad to hear this post helps! You guys just need to make some ground rules for communicating and how to deal with a few scenarios so you’ll have a plan and won’t have to figure out as much as you go.

      Like

  9. TaMara says:

    I have a bad habit of playing conversations out in my head and I’ve been actively trying to stop. It’s not healthy and I usually wind up irritated over something that was not even said.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. momssmallvictories says:

    Empathy is so important in relationships. We don’t have to always agree but we do have to try and understand where our spouse is coming from. My Superhubby and I both read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and it’s amazing how well it works to help us empathize with the other. We made our son read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens too.

    I can totally tell when my hubby isn’t listening or is distracted. I normally make eye contact and hold his hands to get his attention back on what I’m saying. We have biracial kids too, my family is from India and my husband’s from Mexico, we definitely have our own set of challenges added to our marriage and parenting for sure!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hodge Podge Moments says:

    These are some great tips! Oddly enough, I’m going to say distance helps me (or has helped me) communicate with my spouse. We did a year of long distance and now we experience a lot of deployments. During the deployments, our only form of communication is email and the occasional phone call. We have to communicate in order to stay and feel connected to one another. Distance has really taught us a lot about effectively communicating with each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      I agree. My husband & I had a long distance relationship for two years. It helps you focus on the important things & you are less inclined to want to hold grudges when you are angry.

      Like

  12. beccadorr says:

    The love languages are so important! During premarital counseling, we were told that we should not only be aware of how the other person feels love, but how the other person SHOWS love. So that when my husband gives me gifts, even though I prefer words of affirmation, I need to acknowledge that he’s showing me he loves me!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Yona Williams says:

    Great tips! I would love to find out what my sweetie’s love language is because I think that it would help me communicate better on his level. I want him to be the happiest he can be, and I would love to know the approaches that best show him how much I love him that are better suited to what he is most receptive to.

    Like

  14. monroebishop says:

    Great post! Communication is so important in any relationship especially with someone you share oxygen with on the daily basis!!! We did the love language quiz and it described us perfectly however now we know how to apply these different to build our relationship versus destroying one another. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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