How to Keep the Love Alive (After Kids)

KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE

December 31, 2015 marked six years that my husband and I have been married. Every year, we like to take some time to reflect on our relationship. For this post, I decided to interview my husband. He wanted to share some helpful tips with you all.

Diedre: Justin, how have we kept the love alive?

Justin: It helps to clean stuff up.

Diedre: Can you elaborate?

Justin: Deep sigh. Dishes. Tub. Bathroom. Humor. Laugh with each other. I like seeing my wife smile. Make dinner at home with her favorite beverage. Admit when you’re wrong.

His answers were short, sweet and to the point.

I agree with my husband, but I’m going to give you a bit more detail..from a mother’s perspective.

1. Keep the romance alive through date nights (hire a babysitter), candlelight dinners at home and quiet time talking in bed before going to sleep. Sometimes we get stuck in the monotony of work (inside and outside of the home) and our duties of parenthood. Our spouse becomes our partner in handling life’s debacles, but ceases to be our lover and friend. Having date nights keeps the love alive.

date night
2. Stay in shape. Okay, this may seem like a weird tip, but when you’re in shape, you feel better about yourself. You also have more energy to keep up with the kids! Not to mention less trips to the doctor and contributing to your overall health. Motivate each other!

3.Talk to each other, not at each other. Raising kids together is beautiful, but also tiring! Sometimes we look at our spouse as the person to run errands. Can you take out the trash? Can you run to the bank? I thought you’d have dinner ready?! Taking time to communicate makes your partner feel valued. If you are frustrated, communicate why you are frustrated.

talk to each other

4.Timing is everything. This tip goes along with #3. If I’ve just gotten home from work, and my husband is frustrated because I’ve spent too much money this month, discussing it with me while I’m juggling bath time and preparing for the next day, is the worst possible time. If he catches me after the kids are in bed and helps me fold a load of laundry while we talk, I’ll be more receptive to what he has to say.

5. Connect with other adults. Sometimes you feel as if you’re alone. All you do is yell at the kids, and your spouse annoys you. Getting together with other couples who have kids reminds you that you aren’t alone! Adult interaction goes a long way, especially if you can do it together!

6. Compliment your spouse. You think he knows you find him attractive because you said yes. He thinks you know he appreciates you because he doesn’t complain when you cook. Who doesn’t like to hear nice things about themselves? Don’t let your spouse think you’re taking him/her for granted. Tell them what you love about them!

kiss

I want to hear from you! What have you found keeps the love alive? What is the biggest challenge in your marriage now that you have kids?

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56 thoughts on “How to Keep the Love Alive (After Kids)

  1. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says:

    It’s definitely not easy and you HAVE to make time for it, but it;s so important to keep that romance in the relationship!

    Like

  2. Shelly's Cabaret says:

    What a lovely, loving couple you are!

    Actually, everything you discussed has been at the forefront of my mind. My husband and I have been together for over almost 16 years. We recently had our 3rd child and then moved cross-country (and ocean…Hawaii to Maryland). We don’t have family or friends nearby to help, and we get incredibly busy with work (for him) and our older two kids’ extracurriculars (for me) and trying to maintain a sense of ourselves as well (our own interests) that we have had little time for each other. A date night is in HIGH order. I just need to find someone I would feel comfortable leaving our baby with. He’s kind of a handful, so different than my girls were. Haha. our oldest will be 14 soon though. I think she’ll be able to handle the responsibility of her younger siblings for two hours on a Friday night! 🙂

    Like

    • dacounsel says:

      I agree! Let the oldest babysit & take back your love life. It will give You both time to remember why you fell in love. I can understand wanting to find someone you trust for your children.

      Like

    • dacounsel says:

      Ana, you are too kind! We met folding shirts and ties in the men’s department at JCPenney. We were both in school at the time. We realized that we both loved food and music and connected that way. I’m sure you will find someone one day! The best relationships grow out of friendships!

      Like

    • dacounsel says:

      Thank you, I appreciate your kind words! Yes, having children can change the course of your marriage, but you have to work hard to ensure that the feelings that you had at the beginning stay there.

      Like

  3. Kita Bryant says:

    Awww I love this! We don’t get out much for date night since we don’t have babysitters but we do try to have a netflix night once a week where we make popcorn and binge on soda…that won’t go well with the keeping fit part *sigh *

    Like

  4. Kelly B. says:

    I agree, timing is absolutely everything! Unfortunately I don’t plan on getting married or having kids (how modern of me!) but these are great tips, you two have such a lovely story!

    Like

  5. beccadorr says:

    Haha I like his answers too! I definitely think hiring a babysitter is NECESSARY to get away for the night. I’ve had too many friends refuse to hire babysitters and then hate that they never get any time away!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Meagan says:

    Nice post. I don’t have kids yet but I look forward to taking this insight into consideration once I do. Communication is so important in relationships and it can be challenging but so worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. startraci says:

    Well, my hubby and I just had our 21st anniversary and I agree completely. It’s not easy — we’re bad about date nights — but all of those tips are on the money. I especially agree with complimenting your spouse!
    You have a beautiful family, BTW. Found you via Blog it Forward. Happy New Year!
    🙂
    Traci

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      I’m glad you found it! All the tips are from my own experiences. Congrats on your 21st anniversary! You hit a huge milestone. Never stop remembering why you fell in love. Couples like you all inspire me!

      Like

  8. positivelystacey says:

    You are so spot on! I was married for 22 years when my husband left me for another woman. I was beyond devastated and never ever expected the affair. In my mind we were doing everything right – raising three kids, building careers, taking care of the home and all the activities. What was lacking was couple time. You two are rocking it! Keep it up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dacounsel says:

      Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I’m so sorry that your husband did not value you enough to work through whatever issues you had. Thank you for the encouragement!

      Like

  9. Leilani says:

    All great tips. Amen to staying in shape. Exercise keeps me sane for my husband. We don’t have children but all of these habits are wise for any couple. Date night is something we definitely need more of. Even as a couple without kids it’s easy to think we don’t need dates since every night is ours to spend ogether. Here’s to more dates.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Yona Williams says:

    You’ve hit a lot of cool points. I find that laughter, conversation, and a sense of humor really help keep a relationship strong and the love alive. I also agree with you…staying fit and healthy makes you a better individual to embrace and give love to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pat says:

    Loved your advice AND you guys are just too adorable! Sometimes when you are driving each other crazy (which will happen sooner or later..and is ‘normal’), get your wedding photos out and look at them slowly. Sometimes wonderful memories will come flooding back and will remind you of why you fell in love. If that doesn’t work, then come back and read this great blog again!

    Liked by 1 person

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