There were some things I never understood about my married friends with kids until I was married with my own children. Here’s what I’ve discovered:
- Single friends don’t get it when you need to get off the phone.
- Single friends think you have gone to fashion hell for wearing Crocs while pregnant and converting to flats. In my 20’s, I wore heels to work and a backup pair of flats. Now, who has time for all that extra stuff?
- You try to discuss things other than your family to stay relevant, but your family is now you’re life.
- Some single friends eventually get married and the relationship doesn’t evolve, but fizzles. This is heartbreaking, but thankfully you can make new friends who understands.
Here’s how I see the breakdown of friendships:
Single friends keep you from being boring. They make the best shopping partners! The downside is you can’t just hit the road and hang out like in the old days. You have to find a babysitter first, or clear it with the hubby. You text more than talk so you won’t have to deal with the constant interruptions. When you do get to talk on the phone, you rush off the phone when you get home. Your friend may not understand, or they may become annoyed at you yelling at your kids in the background. Oh, and they make great Godparents and babysitters.
Married with no kids:
Your married friends understand the balance of friendship and marriage. They don’t take offense when you need to check with your boo before a girl’s night out. You can vent about your hubby, and they understand that your world isn’t coming to an end. However, they do look nervous when your kids are running around the living room, and you have to rearrange things in their living room because it isn’t baby proof. They ask you lots of questions about pregnancy and babies.
Married with kids:
This group of friends is great for play dates. You can take turns fussing at the kids, sharing funny stories and commiserating about the embarrassing ones. You swap tips about baby products and what to bring to class parties. They don’t get offended if you text more than talk or if you have to scream mid sentence. They also don’t look at you like someone died if you are having an off day and only wore one earring. They validate that you don’t have to be superwoman and kids will be kids.
No matter the category your friend falls into, it’s nice to have them. I’ve found that as I get older, maintaining friendships get more difficult as seasons in life change. I’m learning to be okay with change. I’m also learning to be okay with friendships that don’t weather the seasons in life.
What do you think is the most challenging part about maintaining friendships after having children?